Before releasing Chump Repellent, I had to put it through the preliminary testing phase and it passed with flying colors. A couple of day ago, I was visiting one of my friends who is a tried-and-true “tough guy” with some remnants of Chumpism. He invited me to work out with him.
Now here’s the kicker.
He invited me to run the “Exorcist Stairs” in Washington, DC. Now, mind you, I’d never seen these stairs but I was looking forward to a good workout because Coach Ferguson loves a good workout. So before working out I decided to put on my Chump Repellent Audio CDs because I didn’t want that Chumpiness rubbin’ off on me.
So before leaving for the workout I had to call my friend, who is a huge naturaly bodybuilder, to get the address and to ask him how many reps we were going to do. He replied, “Oh, were going to go up between 15 to 20 times, depending on how we feel.”
NOW INSTANTLY I felt my Chump Repellent working and I said, “Hey homeboy, I don’t play that shyt! We need to decide right now how many we’re going to do. What’s this bytch move about, ‘we’ll decide how many we do depending on how we feel’ that shyt is for Chumps. Pick a number and stick to it. I say we do 20!”
He said, “Okay, 20 it is, but when you get there, you gonna say, we should do 15!”
That’s when I got pissed. I said, “Look here MotherChumper, YOU MUST HAVE FORGOTTEN that my name is Coach Ferguson. I eat hot boiled nails, piss out bricks and step in ant piles, just as a warm up to walk through hell with gasoline draws on. I ain’t like you. The worst thing that is going to happen is that my legs are going to be on FIRE.”
He said, “I guess you’re right.”
I said, “NO I am right CHUMP!!!” And then I hung up the phone and continued to listen to my CDs and then put them in the car and listened to them all the way to the workout in order to repel that chumpiness away which I was EXPOSED to.
Then I arrived at the Exorcist Staircase……..
Okay, Maybe He Was Right
When I arrived at the staircase, and looked up at it, I must tell you, I could feel the Inner Chump trying to make its presence known. The staircase is the equivalent of a 5 story building. It is HUMUNGOUS. All I could think about was, “Me and my BIG mouth!!!” But there was no turning back. I had to fight the Inner Chump and be a champion. So we started running……
1. After the first set, I said to myself, “Lord Please help me!”
2. After the second set, I said to myself, “This ain’t so bad.”
3. After the third set, I said to myself, “Who in the hell are you lying to? This IS bad. It’s quite miserable.”
4. After the fourth set, I said, “What number are we on?”
**** Now everybody knows when you do the ole, “What number are we on?” deal that that means that the Inner Chump is growing. It was the first hint of weakness and chink in my outer armor.
5. After the fifth set, the guy who I was running with lapped me. And I thought to myself, “This is embarrassing”
6. After the sixth set, I was thinking I could push this guy down the steps and then cut a deal with him, not to tell anybody that I bytched out. And if he doesn’t agree, I’ll just leave him here for dead. Then I snapped out of it. It was the evil in the steps working against me. :-/
7. After the seventh set, I was like, “Oh there’s no hope for me. I’m going to vomit all over myself by the 10 set and I’ll be ridiculed for life!!”
8. After the eighth set, I thought to myself, “Stop complaining and be a man.”
9. After the ninth set, I reasoned to myself, “Why? Men complain too, don’t they? I mean, I’m ENTITLED to moan and groan once or twice. Hell, why can’t I complain. I’m a full-fledge, due paying and card-carrying member of the National Complainers Association
10. At set number 10 my buddy said, “Fifteen looks real good about now huh?”
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR HIM SAY. When he said that I said, “NO, it doesn’t I’m gonna do the 20 just like I said!”
And that is when I hit the switch in my mind and decided to shut the pain receptors in my legs off and the burnning in my chest down and just put my mind on a single-track and place my objectives on auto-pilot. And I just began replaying the things that I heard on the Chump Repellent CD and I started knocking the other sets down like bowling pins.
Set 11 - I’m a Champ
Set 12 – I wouldn’t be here, If I couldn’t handle it
Set 13 – I’ve seen lesser men do greater things
Set 14 – I need this in my life. This will help create, mold and develop a better “me”
Set 15 – If it were easy I’d HATE IT!!
Set 16 – I can’t wait to come back and do this again
Set 17 – You mean to tell me that, if I hadn’t said we were going to do 20, he would have stopped already. What a chump. it took an absolute noobie, a neophyte to come in here and push him past the hump
Set 18 – 3 and Free
Set 19 – 2 and Thru
Set 20- 1 and Done
After I finished I said, “Now that was a great workout, next time we have to do 21!!”
That’s when my main man said, “You right, there is no going back down now.”
My Chump Repellent was able to take our workout to new heights and it was able to keep my Inner Chump at bay so that I could finish my workout. Ever since that day, I’ve been working out non-stop without missing a day. I’m Repelling the Chump!!
Take care and if you ever get to Washington DC, make sure you go to 36th and M Street in the Georgetown area and run the Exorcist Steps. You may find out that your Inner Chump lives there and you may be able to “exorcise” him.
P.S. Chump Repellent will be here on August 1st.